well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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