Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
