She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
