Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
