yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
