i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
