if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
this is an emotional support booty call
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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