I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I skipped work to stalk him.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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