he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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