I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
