If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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