you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
