Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
