tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
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He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
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Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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