Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
