Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
