He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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