"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
