These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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