i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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