did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
