Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
