Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Oh god it's open bar.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
