So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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