I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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