Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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