Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
