He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
