Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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