yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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