The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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