I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
