using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
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I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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