well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
