You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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