In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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