Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
