hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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