I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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