It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
