I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
