be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
