i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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