You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize