I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
