I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
