i jhust puked up my retainher.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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