Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
