apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
We got so high we made milksteak
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
