I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
