all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
