So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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