and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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