Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
