Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
