So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
it's like heaven, but drunker
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
