your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
