plz talk dirty to me
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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