this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I cockslap morals
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
