I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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