MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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