so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
