I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
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Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
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I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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