I am in a vortex of obligation.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
