i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
