If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
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