The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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