Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I wish you could order shots online.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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