I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
