if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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