I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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