fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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