you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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