And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
