i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
