I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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