just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
