I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
