You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
