I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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